AUGUSTA, Maine — Maine is a state that beckons people home, even if they've been away for years. At least, that is true for Bambi and Bruce Ames of Vassalboro. They've been back since June of 2021 after leaving Wisconsin. Their reason for returning, though, looks different than the reasons others might give. They wanted to leave behind a painful part of their history.
For a couple of decades, the Ames family looked like any other — on the surface. Bambi gave birth to two sons, Kevin and Ryan, at Northern Light Mercy Hospital in Portland. They grew up fishing and snowmobiling, spending time outdoors, and taking advantage of the natural beauty Maine has to offer. Bruce, a registered Republican, is a Navy veteran and a lifelong hunter. He and his children did hunting safety courses and got Boy Scouts badges. Eventually, they moved to Wisconsin for Bruce's work.
In December of 2020, everything changed permanently for the Ames family. Ryan, 16, stole a gun from the sporting goods store where he worked in Wisconsin, brought it home, and fatally shot himself.
"I went to pick him up that night [from work]. He came out like normal. He was actually a little bit talkative. We came home. He went upstairs to change his shirt, like he normally does. He came downstairs and got a glass of milk. It’s late. It’s about 9 or 9:30 p.m. by this time," Bambi recounted. "We heard a noise and kind of another crash. I thought maybe he had just fallen or something. I went running upstairs and [saw] him on the floor with a gun beside him. I knew instantly he had to have gotten it from work."
Bambi said Ryan was working at the Midwest sporting goods chain because he had expressed interest a few months earlier in getting a job. It was the height of COVID-19, and his school was still largely doing remote learning. Bambi said the isolation had been hard on Ryan, and she and Bruce thought some socialization might be helpful. He had been struggling with mental health issues for years, and this wasn't his first suicide attempt.
"The first time he attempted, it blew us out of left field," Bambi said, noting his transition from being a "happy-go-lucky" kid to a troubled teenager began around puberty.
"[Ryan] told us one day, 'I know I have a good life. I have good friends. We do things as a family,'" Bambi said. "He had no reason to want to kill himself, but he said, 'I just don’t want to be here.'"
"He didn’t want to take his life, but he couldn’t see living the way he felt for the rest of his life. That’s what he told me," Bruce said.
Bruce said Ryan's suicidal thoughts prompted him to take the utmost precautions for his own handguns and hunting guns. He said they were all locked away with a deadbolt combination on his and Bambi's bedroom door, and ammunition was kept offsite. That's why the couple was shocked when Ryan managed to get into the storage room at his job and take a gun without anyone noticing.
"We did everything we could to make sure he wouldn’t be able to get one of our guns. He didn’t. We just never thought he would be able to get one so easily at work," Bruce said, later adding, "At 16 [years old], you’re not allowed to sell guns. That’s why we never thought he would have access to guns in the first place because he was underage."
This spring, Bambi and Bruce went to the state house in Augusta a handful of times to testify in favor of some gun safety bills on the table. Bruce said he has been frustrated by the extreme politicization of guns.
"People are going to think that we’re anti-gun, which we’re not," Bruce said. "I’m all for smart gun laws, but there are a lot of people out there who don’t want any laws."
During the 131st Maine Legislature, there were a handful of bills introduced related to gun control measures. The ones the Maine Gun Safety Coalition advocated passionately for included:
- LD 168, "An Act Regarding Criminal Background Checks for the Sale, Transfer or Exchange of Firearms." It is dead after being placed in the legislative files.
- LD 60, "An Act to Require a 72-hour Waiting Period After the Sale of a Firearm." It did not pass the Maine Legislature.
- LD 22, "An Act to Impede the Transfer of Firearms to Prohibited Persons." Gov. Janet Mills signed it into law.
- LD 1340, "An Act to Prohibit the Sale or Possession of Rapid-fire Modification Devices." It is dead after being placed in the legislative files.
"We have to wait for many, many things in our life. If you’re buying a house, you have to wait. If you're sitting for a passport, you have to wait," Rep. Margaret Craven, D-Lewiston, said. She sponsored LD 60 in 2023 after bringing a similar bill forward in 2007 when her neighbor lost a son to suicide by gun.
"Maine is really a leader in the nation for completed suicides, mainly because we have such access to guns," Craven said.
The Maine Center for Disease Control and Prevention recently published a report that indicates in 2021, there were 178 deaths by firearms in Maine. Of those, 158 (or nearly 89 percent) were suicides.
Some experts like Greg Marley, the clinical director for the National Alliance on Mental Illness in Maine, say they believe making guns less accessible could decrease the number of suicides the country sees every year — approximately 48,183 in 2021, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
"I believe deeply that suicide is mostly a preventable tragedy," Marley said, noting rates of suicide have been increasing since 2006.
Marley said adolescent, young adult males die by suicide at a rate six to eight times that of young females, primarily because of the methods they choose. He said most of those who end up surviving, though, are happy about that outcome.
"I have talked to so many people who have lived and said, 'I am so glad I made it through that dark time,'" Marley said.
Mainers like Camilla Shannon, the board chair for the Maine Gun Safety Coalition, are continuing to push for gun control measures, despite the fact many did not become law this spring. Shannon said she doesn't think gun safety is a blue versus red issue.
"The hunters I know and the hunters I work with for gun safety are some of the people most interested and most committed to keeping their guns safe because they recognize the power of the weapons," Shannon said.
Shannon referenced a poll that Pan Atlantic Research released in June. It indicates 72 percent of Mainers support background checks for the sales of firearms. It also says 72 percent of Mainers support a 72-hour waiting period during the sales of firearms.
"I think there are compromises," Shannon said. "There are common sense solutions that don’t undermine our outdoor tradition but let us preserve another important aspect of our state, which is that it is a safe place to live and a wonderful place to raise kids."
Shannon said she believes the polarizing nature of the gun safety conversation is related to the gun lobby, which she said is "economically motivated to make money for gun sellers."
NEWS CENTER Maine reached out to the National Rifle Association for an interview for this story. While NRA state director Justin Davis did not agree to go on camera, he did answer a few of our questions via email. He called the Pan Atlantic Research poll "bogus" and said it was "sanctioned by Mike Bloomberg and his anti-gun lobby." When asked about a solution to decrease the number of suicide deaths in Maine, Davis wrote:
"Suicides by any form are tragic events, often triggered by a crisis. We need to invest more in mental health and provide resources to ensure that those in desperate need have an avenue that they can reach out to in their time of need."
Bambi and Bruce have found support in dealing with Ryan's death through the Gabby Giffords group, working to end gun violence. They say they know they can't change the fact Ryan is gone, but his memory is pushing them to continue speaking out and trying to prevent the same tragedy from happening to another family.
"You hear about it, but you never thought it would happen to you," Bruce said, later adding: "I think the majority of people want change, but the minority is loud."