WASHINGTON — Model Chrissy Teigen is opening up and sharing details about the tragic loss of her son Jack at 20 weeks pregnant with husband John Legend. It's her first in-depth public statement since announcing the news about a month ago.
In the heartbreaking message shared on Medium and social media on Tuesday, Teigen opened up about the loss and dealing with "partial placenta abruption."
"I had always had placenta problems. I had to deliver Miles a month early because his stomach wasn’t getting enough food from my placenta," Teigen wrote. "But this was my first abruption. We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop."
Teigen even describes the time she spent at the hospital due to heavy bleeding and being placed on bed rest. After one bad night of bleeding amid her bed rest at home, Teigen said she needed to go to the hospital where she continued bleeding. Eventually, there wasn't enough fluid around Jack.
"After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye," she wrote. "He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either."
Teigen and Legend announced the loss of their son with a series of photos posted on Instagram and Twitter on Sept. 30. The photos show Teigen receiving an epidural, the couple holding Jack and Teigen crying in the hospital bed.
RELATED: Chrissy Teigen and John Legend’s heartbreaking announcement raising awareness about pregnancy loss
In her new statement, Teigen explained that she asked Legend and her mom to take the photos "no matter how uncomfortable it was."
The 34-year-old said that she needed to "know this moment forever" and she wanted to document this time in their life, just like their first kiss as husband and wife and when their other two children were born.
"I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos," she said. "How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me."
Teigen thanked everyone who sent flowers, cards and those who wrote her messages. She said the best letters stated with "You don’t have to respond to this, but…" since she said she was in no state to respond.
In the statement, the cookbook author even opened up about having regrets about making their grief so public because the joy was made so public.
"I was excited to share our news with the world," she said. "Stories leading up to this had been chronicled for all. It’s hard to look at them now. I was so positive it would be okay. I feel bad that I made you all feel bad. I always will."
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 1 pregnancy in 100 at 20 weeks of pregnancy and later is affected by stillbirth. Each year about 24,000 babies are stillborn in the United States.1
"I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life, so I truly thank you for allowing me to do so," Teigen wrote to end her statement. "Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky."