(NEWS CENTER Maine) — How important is it for couples to do things together? And how much togetherness is enough?
"I have stated that doing things together -- lawn care, housework, chores, etc.-- can be both an aphrodisiac and a bonding agent," says Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Jack Burke, "But even 'together' has its limits and requires moderation."
Burke suggests that couples work out the details of their together time, and the division of labor within the household, with clear communication.
Burke says, "There are two kinds of deals: open and invisible. Invisible leads to comparing -- 'I did the lawn and all you did was laundry.' -- and resentment."
Burke suggests:
1. Take a few minutes together and list all the chores -- daily, occasionally, etc. Play with his, hers, and ours. (Warning: this can be where you bump into sex-role stereotyping and previous family training).
2. Together does not mean simultaneous sameness. Getting 27 kids to lessons, practices, activities on three different planets may require two cars with two drivers. Together is an attitude.
3. As New Englanders, we know that "Do your job" has a nice ring to it (actually 5 rings). When a couple celebrates what THEY accomplished this week, it won't make the news. It shouldn't. It's a delightfully private affair.
If you have a question for marriage and family therapist Jack Burke or a topic you would like him to cover please send it to us at askjack@NEWSCENTERmaine.com.
